Molding

Everyday I realize more and more, how God is using my children to shape me into the woman He wants me to become. Before my children were born I prayed for diligence. Diligence I felt I needed to do all the tasks I should have been doing instead of whatever else I found to do that was more fun. Now that 5 people live in this little 1400 sq foot house I have a lot of that diligence. Once baby #3 was born, something inside me clicked. The wall started to close in on me, and I decided I wanted a new house. After some soul searching, I realized it was because I didn't want to clean the one I had. Ha! Well, now that I'm a little more organized around here, I find it utterly frustrating to have dishes in the sink or small toys on the floor. I hate stepping around couch pillows that are strewn about the carpet. I have always had a love affair with a newly made bed. I love to slip into bed and barely disturb the covers. Not because I hated to make the bed, but because I loved the feeling of the crisp sheets tucked in around me. So tell me... why did God provide me with a husband who hates having the sheets tucked in? Hmmmm? He will purposefully climb into bed, and pull the sheets out so that they are loose around him. Who in their right mind!?! Well, I should be thankful that he is considerate enough to let me climb into our newly made bed first, so I can enjoy it for just a few minutes. Inevitably before long, he's pulling and tugging and undoing all that brings me joy! God is molding me right?

What Have I Done!?!

I went to a wedding last night. While I was there I was talking with an older couple who attends our church. Their daughter and her husband are friends of ours and he's even our family doctor. Anyway, while talking breifly with this older woman I totally and completely saw my friend in her. Does that make sense? The way she laughed, the intonation in her voice, something about her smile even was so very much like her daughter (my friend). I really started thinking about how much we become like our parents. My sister will often tell me "oh, you soooo sounded like Dad just then!"

We have such an influence on our children. They pick up even little things in our humor or how we talk and laugh. They learn EVERYTHING from us! I'm really starting to wonder what God was thinking when he intrusted my 3 children to someone as irresponsible and sinful as me.

Funny example: Every morning for the past 2 years I pour milk in two sippy cups. I pull out the yellow cup and matching lid, and the purple cup and it's lid and begin to assemble them. After pouring milk in each I decide just for fun to mix match the tops. That should be fun and silly right? Wrong! My sweet easy-going daughter flips out! No Mommy! That's wrong! It doesnt match! That one doesnt go there! I dont want that top! I want the match!

What!?! You've got to be kidding me! Who would have thought something as simple as always matching sippy cup tops would cause an (excuse my french) anal retentiveness in a 3 year old. Dear Lord, what have I done!?! I made a mental note that day to do more mix matching in the future.

I now have to remind myself that I do not want my daughter to be like me. I want her to be BETTER than me. I dont want her to start dating in 7th grade. I don't want her to french kiss for the first time in 8th grade. I want her to know God and live a life that honors him from way earlier than college! I want her to know that it's good to go against the grain, to love God and NOT wear what everyone else is wearing, NOT talk like everyone else is talking, and NOT go where everyone else is going. I dont want her to be so dependent on the acceptance of others that she gives in to peer pressure so she'll feel like the belongs. Please God, let her NOT be like me!

Nothing Important

Do you ever feel like you just don't have anything important to say? I have been racking my brain for the last few days, thinking about what I should blog about... I mean, it's been like weeks since I posted. Sometimes it's just better to leap and hope to God something good comes out.

Hey! That's not a bad analogy. Have you ever noticed that in your life?

When I look back at all the times God did something cool in my life, it's when I just decided to take a leap and trust that He'd provide a soft landing. It wasn't that long ago that Darrell and I were just barely making ends meet (ummm... like yesterday... ha!). I'm actually referring back to when we only had one kid, and I was pregnant with #2. We had a nice new Ford Escape, but it came with a pretty hefty car note, among other loans, but that was the big one we knew we could get out from under. We prayed for a while and just hoped the money would come or that it'd just work out somehow. Finally, we decided we couldn't make another payment and drove around town looking for anything we could switch it even for. We were expecting some junker since we needed to trade it in, as well as have the dealership pay off our existing loan, and still have some credit for a car of some sort. We looked all around Nacogdoches and had pretty much settled on a Ford Taurus that was kinda worn out, but worked well and would get me around town. Darrell thought it best to drive down to Lufkin just to see if there was anything else there. We drove up to the first place we saw and thought to ourselves, there's no way they'd have anything junky enough that we could afford it. They had some really nice, gently used vehicles. We got out and looked around, just in case and spied this Toyota Sienna off to the side. It didn't have a sticker on the window, but Darrell figured out through their number system (I'm still not sure I understand how, but whatever, guys get this stuff) that they were offering over 8K for it. There was no way we could afford to spend that much and still pay off the remaining balance on our Escape. A sales man stopped us on our way out (as they always do) and asked if he could help us. We told him straight up, we need to trade this Escape even for something, loan and all. He said... well... how about that Sienna over there. Ha! Next thing we knew, we were emptying out our car, and driving off into life with no car note. Ahhhhh! It was the sweetest 30 minute drive home ever.

Now we're looking at having to replace another vehicle. No, we still have no car note, but Darrell's '93 F150 has seen much better days. We bought it used in '99 shortly after we were married. We'd love to find ourselves another truck, possibly with 4 doors and a back seat that will fit our family. I know, I know... good luck! Oh but I didn't tell you the best part, we're hoping to find one we can afford to pay cash for. Ha! Now that's asking a lot of God! :D

Ephesians 3:20-21
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Selfish Me

I feel like my children unintentionally but constantly remind of how selfish I am:

1. I find myself frustrated when my children are hanging on the computer chair and playing with the CDs and other paraphernalia (now there's a $5 word) on the desk.

2. I find myself upset that they wont be quiet while I'm watching an "grown-up" show like the news, or "Friends" reruns.

3. I get mad when wont stay out of the kitchen cabinets, my bedroom, the bathroom and other places that are off limits when I'm resting on the couch.

4. I rarely seem to have a peaceful moment alone. Even if I sneak off to the bathroom I have little feet pattering on the cold tile before I can finish. If I think to lock the door, I have at least one child crying or whining on the other side the whole time.

When I take the time to think about these many situations, I find that it's my own selfishness that brings about the frustration. Helloooooo... if you weren't on the computer, and were playing with your children instead... you wouldn't be experiencing problem #1. The same theory applies to #2 as well, why not watch a kid friendly show (again) and quit being so stinkin selfish, or just turn the TV off and go outside and again, problem solved. #3 occurs mostly when I don't get off my lazy bum. I need to remember I'm not a single college kid who can just lay around all day. My time is precious, why waste it laying around, spend it with your kids woman! You only have 2 more years before the oldest is in school full time. (oh wow, just typing it out is scary). And, well #4, I guess that's just the life of a mommy. Hopefully as they get older, they'll decide to stay out, and give me at least a moment's peace.

Waterbabies

I'm determined not to post about all the awful things that happen in my life... so I havent posted in a few days and refuse to talk about how my son dropped the dome top of my cake plate on the the kitchen floor where it shattered into pieces. Instead I thought I'd tell you about how my children LOVE water. (playing in it that is) Yesterday our neighbor was washing something out in the back of his truck. This created a nice long trail of water down the street. My son who must have a water magnet imbedded in his body, immediately found it, sat down, and started splashing. Oh well... my daughter thought it looked like fun and decided to walk up and down stomping and splashing as big as she could. This was repeated this evening when I decided to run the sprinker after noticing the grass crunch under my feet.

However, Wednesday morning we drove to a neighboring town to enjoy a "splash pad". My daughter was aprehensive at first, but warmed up to the water raining down on her. My son (the one with the water magnet) flipped out. He wouldnt go near the water, and pannicked any time I went near it as well. Weird huh.

The End of My Rope

Do you ever have one of those days? If you're a parent, surely you have. Today was one of them for me. You know the days when you feel like all you do is raise your voice, spank, and change diapers. Maybe it was because we stayed home today. The furthest from the house I got, was down the street and back while my daughter rode her bicycle. I feel like after lunch it just went down hill. I had to say things 3+ times to get anyone to pay attention, listen or obey, and even then it didn't always work.

I called my husband before he even came home and warned him. I told him " I'm done, as soon as you get home. I will heat your dinner, or whatever, but I will no longer deal with the children. " He kinda laughed, but when I heard the front door open 20 min later I went into the computer room and shut the door. I plan to stay in here until after bed time.

I love my children, I really do. I've been reminding myself this for the last few hours. I feel like my actions don't always communicate this love, but disciplining them is a form of love too right? I just wish I didn't have to do it all stinking day! Tomorrow's bound to be better.

Insect Repellent

I've recently decided to just carry insect repellent with me everywhere. Apparently, all the insects have decided to attack me and my love ones this week.

Roaches going after my children, ants intruding in my kitchen, and wasps attacking me personally. Yup, that's right. Thursday morning when walking back out to the car to get Canaan, I unintentionally disturbed a nest of red wasps. I was stung once in the calf on my left leg. Thankfully no one else was injured and the sting really wasn't as bad as I'd remembered them being as a child. I actually thought it felt more like a pinch at first. My friend, whose house I was visiting, and whose pool I was mooching, graciously provided me with some Benedryl and I continued to swim and enjoy the morning with my children. The rest of the day I'd all but forgotten about my morning insect attack.

Friday morning I awoke with my left leg on fire. Okay, not really on fire, but it was red, swollen, throbbing and painful to walk on. As the day wore on, I kept thinking it would get better, oh no, just got worse and worse. By 2:00 in the afternoon I called the "on call" doctor and he said it may be infected. He told me to start taking an Antihistamine every 6 hours and called in an Antibiotic for me. I've been instructed to ice the leg, and keep it elevated.

What's with all the bugs and their recent cruelty to me an my loved ones!?! What did I ever do to them?!?